Children are curious and always wanting to learn. One of the first things they want to learn about is their bodies. They are curious about the function of each part of their body. They are curious about why their body is different from a parent or sibling of the opposite sex. We think of this as sexual because we look at this from an adult viewpoint. For a child, this is just curiosity. It just happens that some of the things that they are curious about have sexual functions.
Children may express healthy sexual behaviour in a number of ways, through play and relationships. How they do this depends on their stage of development.
Understanding the reasons behind a child's sexual behaviour is important. When children do not have the language, experience or ability to seek help, adults must carefully interpret the behaviour to check if the behaviour is out of the expected range.
Children at this stage often:
Children in this age group may:
Children in this age group may:
Young people in this age group may:
Masturbation is one of the most common sexual behaviours that parents seek advice about. Children under 5 years of age may masturbate in public because they are not yet aware that this is not socially acceptable. Older children may also do this but it is less likely.
Masturbation is a self-soothing behaviour so it can increase when children are unsettled or feel stressed. Masturbation might become more frequent when parents separate or there is a custody dispute. At such times, parents or others can mistakenly interpret this as a sign that sexual abuse has happened. Although that is a possibility in some cases, it is also important to try and find out what other things might be causing stress for your child.
When frequent masturbation happens in these situations, it is best to provide support for your child and distract them with other activities. You can also ask them to limit the behaviour to when they are in their bedroom in private. Masturbation is of concern if your child finds it hard to stop, or when it is vigorous enough to cause self-harm.
Children and young people expressing the following behaviours need assessment. The goal of the assessment is to reach an understanding about the cause of these behaviours. This will usually need a specialist psychological or medical assessment and may need a referral for investigation by Oranga Tamariki or the police.
You may be concerned about children in this age group who are:
You may be concerned about children in this age group who:
You may be concerned about children in this age group who are:
You may be concerned about young people in this age group who are:
The content on this page is based on the Brook sexual behaviours traffic light tool [1]. This tool has been developed for health professionals but may be of interest to parents or caregivers wanting more detailed information about how to tell the difference between normal sexual behaviour and concerning behaviour. The content on this page has been approved by the Clinical Network for Child Protection, Paediatric Society New Zealand.
This page last reviewed 24 May 2023.
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Links
[1] https://www.brook.org.uk/our-work/category/sexual-behaviours-traffic-light-tool
[2] https://www.kidshealth.org.nz/node/2131?language=ko
[3] https://www.kidshealth.org.nz/node/2789?language=ko
[4] https://www.kidshealth.org.nz/node/2790?language=ko
[5] https://www.kidshealth.org.nz/node/2791?language=ko
[6] https://www.kidshealth.org.nz/node/2792?language=ko
[7] https://www.kidshealth.org.nz/contact?from=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.kidshealth.org.nz%2Fprint%2F2130%3Flanguage%3Dko