Key points about sleep and anxiety
- anxiety is likely a common reason for trouble falling asleep at night and staying asleep
- you can help by trying to understand your child's fears
- acknowledge that being scared or worried is normal and that everyone feels this sometimes
- avoid scary TV shows, including the news or videos, or stories that may add to your child's fears
- teach your child skills to get over their fears
- teaching your child to relax can help them to fall asleep at bedtime
How anxiety can affect a child's sleep
Anxiety is likely a common cause of difficulty settling to sleep, both at the start of the night and overnight. Many tamariki cannot say what is worrying them but may feel anxious about everyday life.
Understanding your child's fears
Try to understand your child's fears. Do not ignore or make fun of them because fears that seem silly to you may be very real to a child.
The best time to discuss your child's fears
Tell your child that it's normal to feel scared or worried. Everyone feels this way sometimes. Encourage them to talk about their worries and let them know you can work through them together.
Talk about fears during the day, not just at bedtime. Discuss ways to feel less scared at night and reassure them that their bedroom is a safe place.
You can also help them practise letting go of fears. For example, they could imagine their favourite colour as a big cloud pushing the fear away, or picture fear as a balloon they can pop.
Staying in bed
Let your child know that they can always talk to you about things they feel worried about and together you can work out a solution.
Encourage your child to stay in bed so they can learn that they are safe. Letting them leave the room can suggest their bedroom is not safe.
If your child is very scared, it is OK to stay with them until they fall asleep. But, try not to do this often as they may come to rely on it. If they are anxious about you leaving, check on them. Start with brief checks and comfort, then slowly increase the time between checks until they fall asleep. Leaving the door open or using a nightlight may also help.
If your child wakes during the night and feels scared, reassure them that they are safe. If they come into your room, take them back to their bed and remind them their room is safe.
Comforting your child when they are scared
It is important to comfort children who are scared. If your child clings to you at bedtime or calls out in fear, go back to them and find out what is wrong. Reassure them that they are safe.
You could say:
You are safe. We are here to make sure you stay safe.
Teaching your child to get over their fears
Teach your child ways to manage their fears. Talk about how to respond to worries at night, such as being brave or using positive thoughts (for example, ‘monsters are just pretend’). You can also share how you deal with things that scare you.
Reading stories about tamariki facing fears can also help.
For younger children:
- David and the worry beast: Helping children cope with anxiety by Anne Marie Guanci (illustrated by Caroline Attia)
- The huge bag of worries by Virginia Ironside (illustrated by Frank Rodgers)
For older children:
- Mind your mind by Leigh Hay and Julie Johansen
- What to do when you're scared and worried by James J. Crist
Introducing a security object
Help your child become attached to a security object like a toy or blanket. They can keep this in bed with them to help them feel more relaxed during the night.
Avoiding scary television shows
Avoid scary TV shows, including the news or videos, or stories that may add to your child's fears. Avoid talking about their worries just before bedtime.
Helping your anxious child to relax
Teaching your child to relax can help them to fall asleep at bedtime. Below are some ideas of how to do this. Offering them a different focus while in bed can help take their mind off fearful thoughts. Remember, your child cannot feel relaxed and scared at the same time.
Relaxation ideas for your child include the following.
Muscle exercises
Ask your child to lie down with their eyes closed. Get them to tighten and relax each muscle in their body, one at a time. Some children find it helps to imagine a calm place, such as the beach, a park or a grandparent’s backyard.
Imagining clouds
Ask your child to close their eyes and imagine a cloud pushing their fear away.
Drawing a picture
Ask your child to draw their fear and place it in a ‘scary thoughts’ box for the night.
Rewards for staying in bed and being brave
A reward chart for being brave can be helpful. At first, reward your child for staying in bed and just calling out if they really need you. As they begin to feel safer, reward them for staying in bed all night without calling out.
Praise your child in the morning for knowing their bedroom is a safe place. Remind them they can always talk about their worries.
Rewards should be small and simple. For example, your child could collect stickers that lead to a reward they enjoy, such as a lucky dip or a trip to the park.
Choose rewards that are easy to achieve at first to help your child succeed.
See the page on star charts for children for more ideas and a free star chart you can download for your child.
Acknowledgements
Starship Foundation and the Paediatric Society of New Zealand thank the Centre for Community Child Health at the Murdoch Childrens Research Institute and Royal Children's Hospital, Melbourne, Australia, for making this content available to parents and families.
© Copyright – Centre for Community Child Health at the Murdoch Childrens Research Institute and Royal Children's Hospital, Melbourne, Victoria, Australia 2014. Except as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968 (Cth), no part of this content may be reproduced by a process, electronic or otherwise, without the specific written permission of the Murdoch Childrens Research Institute.
