Tips for talking with your teenager about online sexual content
Be prepared
Preparing for the conversations will help you stay relevant, calm, and unshockable.
Tailor the talk
Be guided by your teenager’s age, knowledge and experience.
Team up
Talk to other whānau members about who else can be part of these conversations.
Be curious and open
Take a curious, kind and non-judgmental approach. Listen with empathy, learn what their online experiences are like, and avoid words like ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ that can create shame and shut down conversations.
Choose a good time and place
Try somewhere your teen is comfortable with, like driving or walking the dog.
Help build online critical thinking
Take an ethics approach to what’s in porn and sexual content online. Discuss things like the messages around gender, violence, respect, and sexism. Reflect on how these align with your teenager's own personal, cultural or faith views to help build critical thinking.
Safety
Teenagers are now exposed to increasing risks of online harms such as receiving unwanted nudes, deepfakes, romance scams, image-based abuse, and sextortion. Give them some guidance such as red flags and online safety tips, to help build protective factors.
Offer support
Some teenagers struggle with porn and sexual content online, and others might experience online harms, so let your teen know you’re here to help if they, or any of their friends, are struggling.
How To Talk To & Support Your Child Or Pre-Teen Around Pornography & Online Sexual Content
How To Talk To Your Child About Sex
Resources to support your teenager around online sexual content
Here are some resources to help parents and whānau with starting conversations, building critical thinking and supporting teenagers around porn and their online sexual world.
The Light Project aims to help youth, their whānau, schools and wider communities to positively navigate porn and online sexual content and has a range of information, resources, tools and support pathways for parents.
It has information for whānau and tips for talking to your child. Check out the website for advice and resources.
Keep It Real Online is a New Zealand Government campaign to support parents and caregivers to keep their children safe online. It has advice and resources on how to talk to your child about pornography as well as tips to keep your family safe online.
The Classification Office Te Mana Whakaatu is responsible for the classification of all films, videos, publications, and some video games in New Zealand. Their site has some useful research and information for parents about controlling content and pornography.
In the Know is a NZ site for young people wanting information or help with porn related concerns. It includes tools, tips, videos, information and referral services offering support with key porn-related issues. It covers a range of issues, including nudes, feeling uncomfortable with porn, pressure to watch porn, wanting to cut down on porn and creating online sexual content.
NetSafe is an independent non-profit organisation that provides cybersafety and online security education for all New Zealanders. NetSafe's website has a variety of information on online safety and security issues. The website has information for children, parents, community groups, schools and counsellors.
Just the Facts is a website run by the Sexually Transmitted Infections Education Foundation (STIEF). It is a project funded by the Ministry of Health through district health boards to educate New Zealanders about sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
Acknowledgements
The content on this page has been developed and approved by the Clinical Network for Child Protection, Paediatric Society New Zealand with input and guidance from Nikki Denholm, Director, The Light Project.
