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Tips for talking with your child or pre-teen around porn 

It can initially feel a bit awkward discussing porn, but many children still consider parents ‘the experts’ on sex and are open and receptive to parent input. Building trust and rapport now is a great start to establishing ongoing healthy sex conversations.

Be prepared

This will help you stay calm and unshockable. See the parent resources below to help you prepare.

Decide ‘what age’ is best

Consider your child’s personality, time spent with older children, and level of device access. If your child has any unsupervised device access, a simple age-appropriate conversation around porn and online sexual content (such as pictures and videos) is recommended.

Normalise

Young people can have many responses to porn and online sexual content, including shame, confusion, curiosity, arousal (or all of these). Assuring a child that any response is normal will reduce shame and help them feel safe sharing their experiences.  

Reduce shame

Take an open and non-judgmental approach and avoid words like ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ that can close down conversations or create shame if a child sees porn. 

Keep it simple with young children

Include a simple age-appropriate explanation of what porn is, why it’s not made for children and what to do if they see it.  

Keeping safe  

Share some simple safety tools with your child, like ACT (Avert your eyes, Call it out, Tell someone), so they have a plan when they first see porn. 

Tailor it with pre-teens

Most pre-teens will need a more in-depth conversation about porn than just a set of rules, as this is the age they are most likely to see porn. Be guided by your child’s age, knowledge and experience. 

How To Talk To & Support Your Child Or Pre-Teen Around Pornography

How To Talk To Your Child About Sex

Resources to support your child or pre-teen around porn

Here are some resources to help parents and whānau with starting conversations, building critical thinking and supporting children and pre-teens around porn.

Acknowledgements

The content on this page has been developed and approved by the Clinical Network for Child Protection, Paediatric Society New Zealand with input and guidance from Nikki Denholm, Director, The Light Project.

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