What You Can Do When Your Baby Cries

Key points about your baby's crying

• crying is a normal part of baby development - it's your baby's way of communicating
• your baby is not 'being naughty' when they cry
• pēpi often need a lot of calming, soothing and holding when they are upset
• your baby won't develop bad habits or become spoiled if they are comforted and soothed when they are distressed
• have a plan for what you will do if your baby keeps crying and you become upset or angry
• if you think you might lose control, put your baby in a safe place and walk away - take a short break

Why babies cry

Crying is a normal part of baby development and is the only way your baby can let you know that something is upsetting them and that they need you. When pēpi cry, they may be:

• hungry or thirsty
• too hot or too cold
• unwell or in pain
• over-tired, or overstimulated
• uncomfortable or scared
• startled, needing to be settled by being cuddled and held close

Often, you won't be able to find a reason for your baby crying. This can be very frustrating.

Some pēpi cry more than others. Some pēpi may cry more and be hard to settle between about 2 and 8 weeks of age.

PURPLE Crying

When to get help for your crying baby

Talk to a health professional, midwife or Plunket nurse if you feel overwhelmed or upset or you are unsure what to do. It's important to reach out for support.

Get help for your baby if you feel:

• the sound of your baby's cry changes
• your baby has an unusual cry that starts suddenly
• your baby has new symptoms such as fever or vomiting
• your baby seems to be sick or unwell
• your baby is refusing feeds
• the crying is affecting your relationship with your baby or your partner
• nothing you try is working
• you are not coping with the stress of crying
• worried that something might have happened to them, or there has been any kind of injury

To get help, you can ring PlunketLine on 0800 933 922 or HealthLine on 0800 611 116, see your health professional, or go to your local hospital.

If you are finding it difficult to cope or find that you are not enjoying being a parent at all, try contacting PlunketLine, or see your health professional for help and advice.

PlunketLine and Healthline are available 24 hours and are free to callers throughout New Zealand, including from a mobile phone.

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PlunketLine

PlunketLine is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, on 0800 933 922 for advice and support for you, your baby and your whānau. Calls are free from cell phones. You do not need to be registered with Plunket to use this service.

Call PlunketLine 0800 933 922

Visit the PlunketLine page

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Healthline

Healthline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on 0800 611 116. Call Healthline if you need advice about a child of any age who is unwell, hurt, or has any symptoms of sickness. It's free to callers throughout New Zealand, including from a mobile phone.

Call Healthline 0800 611 116

What to try if your baby won't stop crying

Before trying a strategy to settle your baby’s crying, check your baby’s main needs are taken care of first. This includes:

• offering another feed - your baby may still be hungry
• cuddling your baby for comfort and warmth
• checking their nappy isn’t wet or dirty
• making sure they aren’t too hot or cold 

If you’ve made all these checks and your baby just won't stop crying, try:

• rock your baby close to your chest so they can feel your heart beating
• taking your baby for a walk in the fresh air
• singing or talking to your baby
• wrapping and holding your baby safely in a lightweight blanket so they feel secure
• settling your baby in a safe, dark and quiet place

Try to stay calm

Try to stay calm (which is not easy). You will find it more difficult to comfort your baby if you are very upset. 

Some things that might help increase your feeling of calmness include:

• deep breathing
• singing quietly
• listening to your favourite music
• thinking of your favourite place or even your favourite food. 

Try to slow down - your slow breathing and calm heartbeat will help your baby. Try to breathe in to the count of 5 and out to the count of 5.

If the quick tips haven't worked, read further for some more details on things that you can try.

If you think you might lose control, do not pick up your baby.

Never Ever Shake A Baby

More ideas to help with your baby's crying

The following ideas help with most pēpi. Try them and over time you will learn what works best for your baby. Give each strategy time to see if it works. Try not to switch too quickly from one to another. Some things will work sometimes, but not at other times. If something isn't working, it may help to try something different. You can then try the first strategy again a day or two later, or even a week or two later. 

Holding

Holding your baby gives them comfort, warmth and security. Your baby may be calmed by the sound of your heartbeat and your voice. Hold and comfort your crying baby if you can.

You can try:

• holding your baby close and still - avoid jiggling or moving too much
• facing your baby towards you or outwards - they may prefer one over the other
• staying in the same position - avoid picking them up and putting them down continually
• talking quietly and gently to your baby about anything, like the weather or how much you love them
• letting your baby sleep on you in the day while you are alert and sitting upright
• skin-to-skin contact where you hold your baby close to your bare skin while they’re only wearing a nappy

Remember, if you think you might lose control, do not pick up your baby.

Moving

Some pēpi are soothed by movement. Avoid fast, frantic or rough or shaking movements - they may be dangerous!

You can try:

• carrying or gently rocking your baby with slow, rhythmic movements
• gently patting your baby’s back or bottom
• using a pram or approved baby carrier to take your baby for a walk outside - make sure you can always see their face
• using a baby rocker or bouncer for short periods (no longer than 30 minutes) - make sure your baby is strapped in using the safety harness and that it is on the floor (not a table, bed, bench or couch)
• going for a drive in the car - make sure your baby is strapped into a child restraint approved for use in New Zealand

Child Car Seats

Sucking

Sucking is a natural reflux that pēpi have. Sucking can help:

• calm your baby
• reduce your baby's crying
• help them to settle

Let your baby suck on their fist, fingers or thumb.

If you are breastfeeding, try offering another breastfeed.

For formula-fed pēpi, sometimes it might help to give the next feed a little earlier. But, try not to give formula more often than every 3 hours, as they may start to use the bottle as a dummy. 

Try giving a dummy if your baby has one - place the dummy just on your baby's lips - the lips will automatically latch onto the dummy. If you are breastfeeding your baby, try to avoid giving a dummy during the first 4 to 6 weeks as it may affect your baby's suckling ability and have an effect on your milk supply.

Bathing and massage

A bath and massage may help your baby calm down. It can be useful to make the bath part of your baby’s routine before going to sleep in the evening, so your baby associates it with settling to sleep. 

Some pēpi do not enjoy baths at first, but may start to like them as they get older. 

Make sure to run the cold water first, then add hot water. Always check that it isn't too hot before putting your baby in the water. Swirl the water around to distribute the water evenly. 

Never leave your baby alone in the bath, even for a moment. If you need to look away or grab something, take your baby with you. 

After a bath, you can massage your baby’s tummy, back, legs and arms. Rub gently and firmly in a circular motion. Use firm circular motions.

You can find more information about baby massage in most baby books or online.

Environment

Sometimes a change in environment can unsettle pēpi. 

You can try:

• adjusting the temperature of the room or their clothing so they are not too hot or cold
• playing soothing sounds or white noise
• singing to your baby
• using soft lighting or night-lights

What to do when nothing seems to be working for your crying baby

It is very hard to cope with a baby who seems to be crying a lot. Sometimes it may feel like nothing is helping and this can be overwhelming.

Try not to let your baby become too distressed

Try not to let your baby become too distressed before you decide to pick up and comfort them.

If you need it, take a short break

If you are starting to feel frustrated, put your baby down in a safe place and walk into another room for a short break. If possible, ask somebody to take over the settling for a while, or phone someone to talk to.

Taking a short break from your baby for a few minutes can help you clear your mind and calm your emotions. Some deep breathing or a cup of tea or coffee can help you get back to a place where you feel able to try settling your baby again.

Call in support

If you have support at home from a partner, friend or whānau (family) member, you might try taking turns settling and comforting your baby. This is a good way to make sure parents and caregivers are taking time to get some rest. 

Keep calm

You may feel helpless when your baby keeps on crying. Remember, you can’t always stop your baby from crying, but you can still comfort your baby and try to keep yourself calm. 

Take about 10 deep, slow breaths first if it helps you to calm down.

Be with your baby

You may find that even after trying these strategies, just lying next to your baby and speaking gently to them while they cry can help. Tell your baby that you love them, that you know they are having a rough time and that things will get better. 

Ask for help

It may be difficult to ask for help, but it is often easier if someone can help you. It is important to look after yourself as well.

You will get a lot of advice from many different people, and this can leave you very confused about what to do. The best advice to take is usually what feels right to you.

Self-care

When you have a new baby, self-care can seem impossible. Parents and caregivers must make time to cover their basic needs so they can safely care for the needs of their baby.

There are simple things you can try to help you relax and take time out. You can ask a partner, friend or whānau member to help or you can include your baby in some of your self-care activities.

Bathing or showering

Place your baby in a bouncer or on a playmat nearby while you have a bath or shower. Your baby will be able to see you and enjoy watching the water while you freshen up. Showering with your baby can be a nice way for Dads and non-birthing parents to get some skin-to-skin time with their baby.

Carriers

For some pēpi, a safe sling or carrier can be a good way for them to stay close and drift off to sleep while you get some things done around the house or go out for a walk. 

Multitasking

Think of ways you can include activities you enjoy while caring for your baby. This could be enjoying your favourite book, listening to a podcast or watching your favourite TV show while breastfeeding your baby or while they’re napping on you. 

Filter information

Well-meaning friends or whānau members may suggest you use medications or herbal preparations, change to formula (if breastfeeding) or change the formula. Too much information can be overwhelming and confusing. Before making changes, you may find it helpful to talk to a health professional, midwife or Plunket nurse about this.

PURPLE crying

The period of 'PURPLE crying' refers to a time period when some pēpi begin crying more and may be hard to settle. This usually starts at about 2 weeks of age and peaks at 8 weeks. It usually ends by 12 weeks of age. The good news is that the period of PURPLE crying will end!

PURPLE Crying